These probably aren’t running everywhere and apparently the one thing the Internet doesn’t have is mp3 files of radio commercials so you’ll just have to take my word for it if you haven’t heard them.

Current contenders, in no particular order,  are:

1. The Burger King “Awesome”. Two stoner/surfer dudes, probably in a basement somewhere, talking about “awesome endsdays at awesome king”. Seriously. There’s more of this goofiness but that’s the best part.
2. Safelite Autoglass. Mark, a technician at Safelite, tells us about his last customer that waited too long to get a chip repaired and it turned into a crack. Which is fine except that he tells the story in exactly the same way you’d read a Winnie the Pooh story to a 3 year old. Safelite, there’s a voicemail on the clue phone. It says to hire professional talent to do your commercials. We don’t need radio drama especially when the storyline pertains to a cracked windshield.
3. Bojangles. A guy orders two sausage biscuits at the drive-thru. The girl on the other end says it’ll be ‘one eighty-nine’. Guy goes non-linear about it being a hundred and eighty-nine dollars. Girl explains that it’s a dollar eighty-nine when what she should do is say, “Please pull out of line you’re too fucking stupid to eat.” I’m willing to suspend disbelief but this has the exact same effect as him screaming “All your base are belong to us” when she tells him the price.

Like I said, there are plenty of TV ads that are really bad. I’m not sure why they don’t bother me as much. There are fewer different commercials on radio so maybe it’s just that you reach some sort of tolerance limit or something.

I know this is stupid but what bothered me most was the two guys standing in front of me. I’m sure one of the two of them wears a short sleeved oxford with his employer’s name embroidered above the pocket for his day job. If I had to guess I’d say one was a salesman at Staples and the other was an assistant manager a Burger King. Niether could be cool if you fucking shipped them to McMurdo Station.  They both stood there with their hands in their pockets except for the occasional odd gesture. Then they’d return to looking uncool. Whatever. LOL.